Worry vs. Trust--Focus on LIVING

Gordon - From Bobbie Hixson on May 30, 2009

Yesterday was an emotional up and down day! I’ll explain as I proceed. We went to get labs at 1:45 pm.

Then we went in to see Dr. Schlabach (Gordon’s oncologist). We only have 1 more infusion next Friday; so Gordon had some very pertinent questions for the doctor. I was surprised and shocked. He had not revealed to me what he had been thinking. But Dr. Schlabach is so patient and kind. By the way, he ia believer in Christ, and is not at all embarrassed about expressing what the Bible tells us. Back to the questions….”what if I have a reoccurrence like in my liver? What do we do then?”

The oncologist: “we’ll just pray that never happens. There is nothing else that we can do.” He went on to explain that with colon cancer, you can do things to the liver, but with pancreatic cancer, you can’t. “It’s totally different”.

Gordon was not happy with that statement; so he told the doctor he had been reading about things they do to the liver, but again the doctor told him that it can’t be done with pancreatic cancer. Gordon had all these if’s, but Dr. Schlabach said: “Gordon, our days are numbered, and God is in control; so you certainly won’t go before He wants you to. And I don’t know, and you don’t know, and aren’t you glad you don’t know? You’re getting too far ahead, and you just need to concentrate on now and getting better.” Thank God for Christian doctors!

I tried to act calm and upbeat and reminded Gordon to listen to the doctor, but inside I was panicky, simply because I had no idea he was thinking about all these things. I thought we were focusing on LIVING!!!

Karen sent me a very encouraging e-mail today. I know Satan was after me and wanted me to be defeated, but I’m okay this evening, and like I told Gordon, I could go before he does, or his children could go. I’m so glad God has a plan and is in control. I would make a mess of things otherwise.

But I encouraged Gordon to talk to the surgeon at Emory (Gary’s friend), that does liver surgery and liver transplants. He won’t be satisfied unless he gets other opinions….that’s just what he does! I also suggested he get in touch with Duke in the liver section and the pancreatic cancer section. We had considered that before we went to Emory. He will probably do that next week.

Well, after a long session with Dr. Schlabach, we went back to the chemo area, and they got him ready for his infusion. Our nurse that we love was not there, but another nurse took care of it. He has felt okay until about 8 pm tonight. He has bad stomach cramps and is very, very tired; so he’s resting now.

I just can’t totally relate, because I don’t have cancer; so I can imagine all the thoughts that you have. To most people, the “C” word means dying. His 1st CT Scan was clear; so that could happen again. The Lord may want him around for a while. He is still finding early breast cancers on women that can be cured. So he is still contributing. So many cancers are being cured now. Early detection is so important. There will be better days and weekends; so I’m looking forward to it.

Tomorrow is my birthday (May 31), but we won’t be doing any celebrating tomorrow. It will be delayed for a while.

I don’t really care, because I’m exhausted from yesterday. What good friends you are to listen to me rattle on! It helps to get it out!